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... it's a sit and stare out the window day..... it's been a crazy time for me this past year. a time of self reflection... a time of trying to discover who i really am. am i a court reporter, small business owner, mom, wife, friend, loner, social butterfly, lazy couch potato, go-getter??? i, of course, am all of those at one time or another.... some at multiple times... some i do good. some i suck at! ha! over a year ago, my husband quit his job he had had for over 10 years because it was basically sucking the life out of him. i had been the stay at home mom for the past five years, after having quit my successful job as a court reporter after my third child. but a great job presented itself, another court reporting job, making really great money. so i took it. and have been working that since last october of '06. my husband did start his own consulting company, which has allowed him to be very flexible to pick up the children and make all the appointments, etc. he gets up and fixes their lunches in the morning, and makes ME coffee as i head out the door.
but then ETSY presented itself in august of '07, and it seems like EVERYTHING has changed. i turned my love for vintage and thrift shopping into a business. WOW!! and after being on ETSY for six months, i have been SO inspired to start creating things of my own. i have picked up sewing and i am having a great time. the problem is, i am burning the candle at both ends, as my mom would say. i am getting WORN OUT. it is too much.... working my court reporting job, and trying to run a small business. but i can't give either one up. i can't give the court reporting job up because it is our main source of income, and i can't give ETSY up, because it is my main source of joy.
however.... on monday my husband had a meeting with someone that presented him a possible full time job. and then he got a call from someone else today that might want to present him a full time job as well! but then we have another decision to make. because of some bad decisions in the past, we are a little financially messy. so.... if he were to get a full time job, and i kept my court reporting job, then we could pay off some debt. maybe i give ETSY a break while we both work really hard to do that? i can't even begin to imagine life without ETSY right now. it is my only creative outlet, besides photography, which i love equally as well.
so... these are life's options right now. this is what is ahead of us. i hate having that knot in my stomach, like there's something just not quite right, or that feeling like everything is caving in on you.... i have a million things i need to be doing... but i can't seem to start any of them.... all i want to do is sit and stare out the window. i've been like this for the past couple months now. but i can't fix it. it's going to have to work itself out. i just want to be happy.... that's all. is that too much to ask? ;-)