... it's a sit and stare out the window day..... it's been a crazy time for me this past year. a time of self reflection... a time of trying to discover who i really am. am i a court reporter, small business owner, mom, wife, friend, loner, social butterfly, lazy couch potato, go-getter??? i, of course, am all of those at one time or another.... some at multiple times... some i do good. some i suck at! ha! over a year ago, my husband quit his job he had had for over 10 years because it was basically sucking the life out of him. i had been the stay at home mom for the past five years, after having quit my successful job as a court reporter after my third child. but a great job presented itself, another court reporting job, making really great money. so i took it. and have been working that since last october of '06. my husband did start his own consulting company, which has allowed him to be very flexible to pick up the children and make all the appointments, etc. he gets up and fixes their lunches in the morning, and makes ME coffee as i head out the door. but then ETSY presented itself in august of '07, and it seems like EVERYTHING has changed. i turned my love for vintage and thrift shopping into a business. WOW!! and after being on ETSY for six months, i have been SO inspired to start creating things of my own. i have picked up sewing and i am having a great time. the problem is, i am burning the candle at both ends, as my mom would say. i am getting WORN OUT. it is too much.... working my court reporting job, and trying to run a small business. but i can't give either one up. i can't give the court reporting job up because it is our main source of income, and i can't give ETSY up, because it is my main source of joy.
however.... on monday my husband had a meeting with someone that presented him a possible full time job. and then he got a call from someone else today that might want to present him a full time job as well! but then we have another decision to make. because of some bad decisions in the past, we are a little financially messy. so.... if he were to get a full time job, and i kept my court reporting job, then we could pay off some debt. maybe i give ETSY a break while we both work really hard to do that? i can't even begin to imagine life without ETSY right now. it is my only creative outlet, besides photography, which i love equally as well.
so... these are life's options right now. this is what is ahead of us. i hate having that knot in my stomach, like there's something just not quite right, or that feeling like everything is caving in on you.... i have a million things i need to be doing... but i can't seem to start any of them.... all i want to do is sit and stare out the window. i've been like this for the past couple months now. but i can't fix it. it's going to have to work itself out. i just want to be happy.... that's all. is that too much to ask? ;-)
17 comments:
I hate that feeling... being overwhelmed leads to its own special kind of paralysis. :P
Is it possible to keep up with Etsy, just to scale it back a bit? Instead of thinking of it as a small business, can you just think of it as solely a creative outlet that happens to make a bit of money now and then? Treating my Etsy store this way is the only way I can keep it going right now.
I hope you'll be able to work it out soon. Being stuck sucks.
xo
mandy... yes, you hit it on the head... i feel... paralyzed.
thank you for your words.... they mean a lot...
I feel ya. It seems that there are so many things to do and take care of that all I want to do is sit and stare out the window or in my case, watch mindless tv.
Your etsy store has really been successful and it happened pretty fast. I guess it's a blessing and a bit of a curse too. You are very lucky that you have a good paying job and are able to help support your family. I agree with mandy... maybe slow down a little on etsy and work hard to get those bills paid off and then when that goal is reached go back to etsy and be able to enjoy it instead of wearing yourself out.
You're a very lucky girl with all this good stuff in your life, but it does get overwhelming sometimes.
I know that feeling too. Wishing you the best with any decision you take!
That is a really hard feeling but at least it's filled with exciting possibility! Good luck with big decisions.
I hope things all work out for you soon Darla.. sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed.. your husband sounds like a wonderful man!
I understand you so well. I've been there for so long. Good for you that Etsy has been so succesful. My Etsy shop have been open for a while and I've not sold anything yet. I read a book that was very helpful for me: Listening to God in times of choice. I recommend it to you. Meanwhile, do not worry, everything is going to be all right!
Darla -- I need to write more, but I wanted to you to know that you are in my thoughts!!
you all are SO very sweet. thank you for your thoughts and encouragement. i will make it. i always do.
alice - no need to write more. just knowing that you're thinking about me is enough. really. thank you so much.
Everything always seems to come at once! Life can go on- days without an invitation or an opportunity and then BAM you have 3 knocking atyour door.
Your shop has grown I've watched how your items have really turned into beautiful- You might need a little something of Etsy in your life- but maybe 1 day a week or somehow you scale it back but in a way that is comfortable and works for you. Could you work as a court reporter part-time?
I am happy that your hubbie has these great opportunities!
I feel in a similair holding pattern- sometimes change is scary- but if making and creating is in your soul( which it obviouslly is!) you can always pick it up again- like a good friend and start where you left off.
whew sorry for all of that!
Darla,
Just letting you know that I am thinking and praying for you. God is always faithful to show us the way {{although I often find myself standing in the middle of the road throwing a tempter tantrum not wanting to listen}}.
xxoo
Donna
I feel overwhelmed lately too, I can really sympathise with you. I also feel like i'm having a midlife crisis at 25, yikes!
I hope you don't have to quit your Etsy endeavors, I really enjoy you in this community and i'd hate to see you leave.
Anyways, I hope you can take a deep breath and take one thing at a time. We'll see how things go.
I feel you, girl. There is some crazy energy floating around the universe right now and it is making me feel super antsy-paralyzed myself. Today, I decided that I'm not going to let the bad mojo that is in the air bring me down any longer. In order to do this, I'm rearranging my perception of what is happening and reminding myself that times of struggle, even when we feel like we are moving backwards, are really signs of growth and movement. In yogic terms, I've just decided to (try! to) surrender to the flow.
You are in my thoughts, dear-heart!
*
kelly
Hey Darla~
Sorry to hear all that is going on. I believe it will work it's self out. I believe God is blessing you and your family with job opportunties for your husband. That way you can be free of that burden and really enjoy being creative. Thanx for sharing and being real.
Cuestaray aka Tye
Hang in there! I love the pic of you- it is adorable :)
i hope you can find a way to get to keep doing what you love! you deserve that. really! hope things are getting worked out.
I hope things workout for the best for you, amiga. And, certainly don't leave Etsy entirely. I enjoy your treasuries too much:)
PS: The Pink tuxedo shirt in your shop makes me want to go to a disco!
Tabitha of The Pairabirds
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